| The whereabouts of famed Illuminati scientist and prop artist, Pumpkin Mike, for four hours Saturday remains a mystery. Pumpkin Mike also know as, Dazzling Mike, Mike the Switch, Lighting Guy Mike, Psychedelic Light Show Mike, Screaming Mike, Hey Mike and Pookie Bear Cuddly Poo Poo Mike reported to any one who would listen late Saturday that he was missing four hours. Witnesses reported seeing Mike during the times of 4:30 pm to 8:30pm. The problem, apparently Mike has six look-a-likes roaming the planet or he is able to be in at least six places at once. Bear with me as we examine the four confirmed sightings of Pumpkin Mike during the missing four hours. Sighting One: Witness, Jaime V. Front Royal, VA "I was bowling with my friends from dance class. We had just worked ourselves into a smooth sweat. You know, the kind where if you are holding someone and the sweat hasn't reached the BO stage yet so it's kind of a turn on. SO anyway, I was up. My friend, Chance, just bowled another |
| Pumpkin Mike unable to remember |
| Local Celebrity Missing Four Hours Pumpkin Mike's Strange Journey Reports Missing Kidney, Sore Nether Regions and Strange Tattoo Around Navel A Chat with Pumpkin Mike by Slip Witherspill |
| gutter ball. You know it doesn't matter. He is so cute when he hefts his balls down the bowling court. We just love to watch him. I looked up at the end of the alley. There before me was a very tall bearded gentleman dressed in flowing clothes, barefoot staring straight at me. As my ball drew closer to the gutter this man reached out and like straight out of a science fiction book he guided the ball straight into the pins. All but one fell, but this man calmly walked over and with a swift gesture of his finger the pin fell almost as in slow motion. I turned to my friends to see what their reaction was, they were frozen in time. No one of our group had ever knocked over all ten pins. |
| I asked them', Did you see that?" I was breathing so heavy I became quite excited, if you know what I mean. They saw the pins fall, but the mysterious handsome man in the flowing clothes was gone, no one but me had seen him. The way I know it was Pumpkin Mike is simple, as I turned around he smiled at me in in his hands he held a pumpkin, glowing and beautiful. I broke down in tears. Before I was coherent again he was gone. Needless to say I had to go home and there he was features on America's Most Wanted. Sighting Two: Witness, Lippy Knerphman Pittsburg, KS I was on my bike. Outside town ain't nothing but old chili cans, a few cigarette butts, dead trees and a small bar called Rat's Place. I pulled in the dirt lot, parked the bike and was headed in when a tall bearded man dressed in overalls, no shirt and sunglasses. How he saw things in the deep dark outside of town is a mystery to me. He spoke. I stopped in my tracks. 'Stay out of this place my friend.' I ask him why. He smiled and walked into the darkness of the night. I was stunned. ( to continue click the Pumpkin) |
| Pumpkin Mike's Journey through the Cosmos Causes Many Religious Leaders to Call for Sainthood or Something Like It, but Maybe Not Quite so Serious |
