| Self Proclaimed Local Economist Presents Plan for Renaissance of Warren County Story by R. Spillway Gentry, Jr. |
| Local citizen Sven Dollar has a plan to save the economy of Warren County, Virginia. Dollar known for leading an area think tank, National Uniformity of Thoughts Society 2009, called a news conference August 23 to lay out his Renaissance Warren County plan. With Dollar were members of his bowling team and think tank. The plan brought forward is dramatic in scope for the grandness of the proposal. Sven Dollar proposes Warren County secede from the Commonwealth of Virginia and the United States by December 2010. He put forward the idea with intent to make the new country's capital in Browntown and not the obvious location of Front Royal. " By creating our country we can immediately petition the United States and European Union for foreign aid. In addition we can charged various government military troops million of dollars to set up bases in Warren County. The commerce alone from the thousands of military troops will boost our economy exponentially. I also propose an entry and exit fee for all non-citizens of this new country. With the traffic currently passing through our county we can see an excellent |
| source of revenue to finance our new government." Dollar went on to present a large banner with the new name of the infant country. It will be called, New Warrenation. The flag of three green stripes and a likeness of Dollar prominently in the center waved from the turbo fan blowing off stage. " I, of course, will lead this new nation as the first King of New Warrenation. My team will support me as we create this dream land." As Dollar made this announcement a large portrait with Dollar wearing a crown similar to the " Burger King King" flash across the wall. Other ideas brought forward were the new currency based on the U.S. Dollar but called "dollaroos", a new language which would be taught in schools which sounded suspiciously like pig Latin, "Arrenway Eakspay". Dollar went on to say," I plan to serve as leader until New Warrenation is fully formed and functional. If needed my son, Piewacket, will assume my position and so on until life is normal and our nation strong. When citizens on the street were asked about the idea responses were strongly supportive of the plan. |
| The problem mentioned by almost every person asked was the capital location. "Can't we put it up by the WalMart?" Others asked for locations in Bentonville, Riverton and Linden. " I hear there's a place for rent over where the Bypass Grocery used to be." WIthout fail no one questioned the idea and others asked if there was any way to speed things up to get it done by this winter. Dollar has pledged absolutely no gun control, church attendance will be mandatory every Wednesday and Sunday, Men can marry and divorce multiple times without question, school children will attend school year round excepting deer season which will run January through October. National holidays will be December 1st as New Warrenation Day, Christmas, Easter, Sven Dollar's birthday, June 26, Elvis Presley's birth and death day. Also, Ground Hog Day and Monster Truck Day which will be celebrated six times a year on days chosen by the government. Dollar closed by saying he will offer follow up information within the next month. With that his think tank and bowling team marched from the building single file in tandem. |
