Explaining the Facts When Truth is Fictional or Walking Nowhere:
Exclusive Interview with Tiny Big Mouth Bass
During the past week the area was visited by two gentlemen with connection to the Dalai Lama. Specifically his
nephew is on a walk-about across the country living off the generosities of others in each stop and locations along
the path.
What invariably occurs are enterprising souls who see the benefits of his actions and take a similar method to
further their beliefs or simply turn it into a full time job.
Whether the copycats are true in their message is mainly up to you, your questions and your observations.
On the heels of the visit to Front Royal visit by the Dalai Lama’s nephew came a man whose claim to fame is the
inference of a personal relationship to his Holiness the Dalai Lama. Although his literature boasts of a relationship
with the Dalai Lama the most intriguing claim is his connection to a little known spiritual leader, Bobby Sun Bear
Griffin. Apparently Sun Bear Griffin was a notorious evangelist who traveled the United States preaching an
unusual mix of Eastern mysticism, Christianity, Sufi and Druidism while managing a fledgling women’s roller derby
team, the Murfreesboro Confederate Belles. Bear Griffin’s contorted message has faded since his heyday in the
1950’s. A new messenger has arrived spreading the word to the indifferent few across the country during his
“Long Walk for Bobby”.
I was able to catch up with the man on this improbable journey, Griffin’s sister’s second husband’s nephew’s
cousin, Reverend Tiny Large Mouth Bass during a brief stop outside Front Royal’s Lucky Star Lounge on his was
to a revival near Massie’s Corner outside Flint Hill, VA.
The man I meet is cross between Oliver Hardy and Fatty Arbuckle. For those who do not remember those
comedic geniuses let describe Tiny Big Mouth Bass as the shape of a large bubble. Sweat oozes from all
sections of his face into the slightly graying thin beard. He wears a t-shirt bearing the photo of Bobby Sun Bear
Griffin. It has coffee and several other stains down the front to the top of his bulbous belly. With him is a silent and
gaunt assistant, Ernest Army Jr. He stands behind and to the side of Bass.
As I approach and begin the general pleasantries what hits me is the cold wet handshake I receive. My hands
smell like friend food and cigarettes after the greetings.
We take a seat in the LSL to begin our get acquainted session.
I notice your T-shirt says remember Bobby Sun Bear Griffin. Who was he and why try to revive the memory now?
“Let me set the record straight.” The shadows bounce across his round and full half shaven face.
“I really don’t care to exist off the name of my late great relative, Bobby Sun Bear Griffin. He was a famous man,
some say larger than life and an icon to many. You think back to when you first heard his name. Think back to the
first time you felt the influence of this great man and his giant personality and how it shaped your world.”
By now he was leaning forward balanced on the round ball belly against his thighs, face red and serious. Do you
have a point to make?”
By wearing a shirt with a faded photo of him and sending press releases with Bobby Sun Bear Griffin and the
Dalai Lama prominently featured may communicate to others that you do wish to capitalize on a name.
“Listen. My message is to spread the love of Eastern Chrisufuidism to the millions who missed the first show. I am
walking across this fine country speaking to whoever will listen to the message long forgotten and in most cases
never actually known. I can’t deny that I’m a very close personal relation to Bobby Sun Bear Griffin or even Lama
for that matter. I can’t wipe the personal history I had with them off the face of the earth. Through Sun Bear we were
able to integrate the elements of the Caucasian world with the major and minor religious influences of the past
2000 years. Through his influence I am now able to traverse cross this fine nation with help of friends, relatives and
kind folks to expose the message. My experience with Lama is some what less but no less powerful.”
To continue click the Bass Interview by Patrick GX Patterson
He clasps his hands prayer style and gazes to the ceiling. Without looking he slides a package of tobacco and rolling
papers from his breast pocket. With his left hand Tiny Big Mouth Bass rolls a near perfect cigarette slides the tobacco
and papers back into his pocket while continuing the lofty gaze skyward. All this is done in an uncomfortable silence.
“Got a match?”
I did not. There were no matches anywhere.
It was time to experience “Meltdown Tiny”.
“I need a g** d*** light!” Ernie (his shaggy assistant) I need a light!” By this point his eyes grew large and bloodshot.
He
was shaking.
To the side across the room where we were sitting was a mirror. Tiny caught a glimpse of himself. He immediately
calmed. He set the now broken cigarette on the table, took a sip from his water and addressed me.
“You see the pressures of my journey sometimes throw me for a loop. I explode and shoot like bullet. My mind blows
up
like creating the galaxies. I am screaming for something but I don’t know I am doing it. It is all out of body. Now I am
back. We can talk again. Bobby used to do the same thing. I saw him once have a screaming argument with a pet
store
parrot in Memphis because he swore the bird call him an improper name. They went at it until Bobby suddenly became
quiet. He apologized to the bird and we left the store. Nothing else was said except he asked how we got outside. He
completely left himself.
Now if we can continue I would appreciate it.
You mentioned walking across the country. I have spoken to many people who claim you rarely walk. The majority of
walking has been to the men’s room or counter to order at various fast food restaurants.
“I walk. As I wander through small America without encouragement I often gather crowds who follow me. There may be
a
time or two when a kind soul offers a ride or someone brings forth a bus ticket or my wife, Slim, visits with our Cadillac.
That’s all true. Make no mistake though, I walk. I walked in here. I’ll be walking to the men’s room. I’ll walk into the
drugstore or 7 Eleven. Every time I walk it’s to revive the memory and message of Bobby Sun Bear Griffin.”
Is it a fact you were recently arrested for disrupting a Saint Patrick’s Day parade in Tuttle, Oklahoma?
“And do you know why there was a minor disagreement, because I was walking. I was walking in the parade. I simply
was
using my god given rights as a man and walked in this pitiful parade.”
Upon further investigation it was reported that Tiny Big Mouth Bass had in fact stripped down to a G-String and flip
flops
and walked behind the local middle school marching band while singing Irish classic “I’ll Take You Home Again,
Kathleen”.
The charge was reduced when his story of an out of body type amnesia convinced the judge that Tiny may have other
issues. Upon release he and Ernie immediately left Oklahoma avoiding the scheduled psychological evaluation
ordered
by the court.
“I truly believe to this day that those bands and classic cars were following me. There was never any indication that
those people wanted me to move.”
Please dispute the fact that for you to be here in Virginia you had to jump bail?
“My message is much more important than a few conspiratorial judges and police officers and bleeding heart liberal
commie junkie Satanists hula dancing perverts who may have twisted the truth and trapped me in their dungeon like
accommodations in that far away town. I am free of them and their twisted brand of justice. My faith in Eastern
Chrisufuidism will set me free. The message of the man of whom I do not plunder his name or use it commercially is
enough for me to guide me through this momentous journey.”
Reverend Bass, what is the message you are delivering?
“Son, you are baiting me! My message is as clear as the Shenandoah River. I am here delivering the words people
hear
and with that an understanding of these words will relate a type of understanding which ultimately results in generous
donations to our ‘Love Account’.”
So you present the “love account” to people you meet or contact. They in turn give whatever is expected and this is
what
generates your funds for the “Long Walk for Bobby”?
“When a small donation is made to us we call it a ‘love offering’. It is a gift that keeps our mission alive and allows us to
travel the states delivering our message.
And once again, what is the message?
“And I am telling you this agenda type ambush journalism you adhere to is testing my spiritual morals. You are
attacking
not only me but every soul who supports our efforts.”
What efforts? What message” Who else is in your group?
“What do you want answered first? You’re firing off these questions and accusations before I can properly put things
in
perspective for you and your decent readers. You must have some decent readers, don’t you?
The fact you’re hear means my message is important.”
Please describe your message.
“Why? Why confuse those who need me with impotent explanations and parables when they can simply follow and be
just. Why cloud the memory of my late dead relative with people disrupting the family’s business.
There are rumors that your family’s business is the collection of donations.
“And your point is?”
Could people see some inappropriate uses for these funds?
“I believe my work is justified because I believe wholly in the holiness that I have thrown out before you. The
ignorance I
possess and exchange with others across our sovereign nation is come about naturally. I work hard at being natural.
Recently I ask my darling wife to assist me in grooming my legs until I am able to drop about seventy or eighty pounds.
That is important work. We work. We play. We pray to the divine”
And that will do what?
“Once I am complete with my spiritual transformation look out America.”
Tiny Big Mouth Bass was slipping into a vernacular of confusion and doublespeak.
With this Tiny Big Mouth Bass asks for a short break after an order salad with pickles. Thank God for hunger pangs.
Let’s get into the connection of Bobby Sun Bear Griffin, the Dalai Lama and you.
“Well as you know both Bobby and I are spiritual men. From what I’ve read the Lama is a spiritual man. I know he’s
from
over there in Japan.”
To see Tiny Big Mouth Bass fidget in his chair is a bizarre experience. The chair creaks and bends. At any moment
you
expect the round man to come tumbling down into a large ever talking pile of person at your feet.
“When I was a kid Bobby took my sister and me to see Lama at the local theatre. I’ll never forget it. The special show
was called “Hello Dolly”. It was not what I expected, but we liked it. Since that first experience I was touched by the
Dolly
live on stage singing and dancing. I was later surprised to find out he made donuts and other pastries. Did you know
the
Dolly’s last name was Madison? Most people think Lama is his last name.’
The stunned silence in the room is louder than my surprise that this man has believed these entire years one of the
greatest humanitarians in history made pastries and looked like Carol Channing.
Tiny Big Mouth Bass excuses himself to make a visit to the “hole in the floor” as he oddly calls the men’s room.
His assistant begins to follow but stop for a moment to ask me a question.
“Do you know that Reverend Big Mouth Bass is ambidextrous?”
Is the ability to write both left handed and right handed a benefit to him regarding his personal journey?
“He exercises both sides of his brain. It makes his brain balanced.”
Ernest Army, Jr pivots like a River Dancer and heads for the head after his leader.
The room is somewhat quiet. The music has stopped. I am the only customer. Alone at the table I review my notes.
Baffled by some of the responses I make notes to refer to when Reverend Big Mouth Bass returns from the powder
room.
As the moments tick by I am now reading a coupon somebody had dropped to the floor.
I decided to check on the Reverend and Mr. Army.
The restroom stood empty, toilet lid up, paper towel on the floor, waster flung merrily about the sink and mirror.
Attached dead center of the mirror was a note with my name in crayon attached by a wad of pink chewed bubble gum.
“Dear Friend,
I felt our mission with you complete. You received our message and I have nothing else to add. Ernest and I will
continue our walk across this land meeting believers, non-believers, haves and have-nots, strangers and the strange.
May you dance the dance of your life be it alone or with a partner. Remember it is always more fun to dance with
someone else. It helps if they have rhythm.”
I raced out the back door and in the distance I could see Tiny Big Mouth Bass with Ernest Army Jr. continue their walk
across the country. They were climbing into an older model Cadillac with longhorns affixed to the hood. The car sped
toward my direction above the speed limit, ran a red light in from of the Sheriff’s office and disappeared.
Tiny Big Mouth Bass made the decision to resurrect the message of little known Bobby Sun Bear Griffin. He made the
choice to coin his journey a “Long Walk for Bobby”. The majority of his walk was done from the passenger seat of a
1989 Cadillac Coupe De Ville with a meek and passive servant, Ernest Army Junior. His message was convoluted, his
mannerisms strange and quirky and his appearance was odd.
For his spiritual movement he was the best standard bearer. He communicated nonsense with the passion of a one
sided love affair who never will understand why he does not receive love in return.
His final note to me properly summed up our time together and placed a bow on the personal gift Reverend Tiny Big
Mouth Bass gave to me… confusion.