| North Pole native Linze Costello loves this time of year. She can sit back with little ones gathered at her feet and wax philosophic about the "good ol' days" when she worked at the North Pole for a man most of you know as " Santa Claus". Looking back Ms. Costello remembers how, as an elf, she took joy in constructing toys for good boys and girls. " We made puzzles in my sections, dozen upon dozens of puzzles. My team specialized in puzzles of a kittens and dogs dressed in ballet outfits." Asked why she left the North Pole and landed in Front Royal, Virginia her gentle eyes cloud up as a cuddly smile spreads on her lips. " Well after moving up from puzzles I became an "Elf Team" captain. Essentially I was in charge of items like Slinkies, Hula-Hoops, Slip-n-Slides, Silly Putty and my favorite toy, the Etch-a-Sketch." In the drawer of the table in front of her she reaches and pulls out an Etch-a-Sketch by Hasbro. "I loved these things. There was no better toy than this little ditty. It woke up the stagnant mind. It gave sedentary children a creative outlet." " I mean, we knew at the North Pole we had a winner. Everyone but Santa. He was dead set against the Etch-a-Sketch to the point where we had regular shouting matches at the office. It was not unusual after a few beers Santa and I would take it outside and literally fight until we were exhausted. He was tough son of a b!*&$ for a heavy set guy. Truth be known though I always kicked his butt. Eventually he calmed down, listened to reason and ok'd the Etch-a-Sketched production. Needless to it was a big hit. Santa moved me up the ladder. I soon managed the production of GI Joe, Barbie the board game and Operation." She points across the room, a room packed floor to ceiling of toys, puzzles and board games, "See that hanging on the wall?" Her dove-like fingers point to a large plastic tarp covered in colored circles. " That is Twister." Linze laughs loud and long but crumbles into tears," That is the game that brought Santa and I together." "I designed Twister. One night I asked Santa to try it out with me. You know, to work out any kinks. As he went left foot blue and then I was right hand red our lips met. It was innocent really, but that simple move in the game sent us into a torrid five year romantic North Pole love affair." |
| " As I reflect on those years they were the happiest of my life." She rises and moves across the room to a large envelope stashed between a Bugs Bunny Cookie Jar and an open can of black olives. " These are the letters San sent me nearly every day of that five years. Letters so beautiful and poetic, so full of cheer and happiness. Some are erotic and personal. I've assembled them in a book I'm shopping around. I call it " Making Sweet Sweet Love to Santa". There's been some interest. A Hollywood producer has checked into possibly making a TV movie or mini-series on A&E from my book." She sets the letters down. Gently she wipes a rivulet of tears from her rosy cheeks. " We ended it when Darlene Claus, his wife, caught us. She walked in on us at the shop. She never came to our toy workshop. Not in twenty years had any of the elves ever seen her there, but here we were and there she was fuming. She threw an Etch-a-Sketch at me." Ms. Costello goes on to tell the story of the threatened messy divorce. A divorce that would surely bring down the premier toy supplier to all good boys and girls through out the world. " I had no choice but to leave that night. There were no long goodbyes. Santa sent for the reindeer and sleigh. He said they'd take me anywhere in the world. I had no idea where to go. Darlene looked at the world map we had in the shop. She grabbed a dart from a dartboard and flung it at the map." "There," she said. "You will go wherever that dart hit and never to return to the North Pole!" The dart landed on a town in the Shenandoah Valley, Virginia. The town was Front Royal. Without much time but to throw a few things in a bag Linze was dispatched to Front Royal. " I'm actually happy she threw that dart. There was no future with San. He was much older and to be honest when we kissed I always got a mouthful of hair. "The last thing I remember was his belly jiggling as he waved goodbye forever." As I thank Linze Costello I sense the sadness in her eyes, but see a loving gentle soul. It was surely her elf side wanting to expose itself once again. On my way out I turneto say goodbye. I am touched as she had movedsback to her Santa letters. Linze reads as I show myself the door. Outside the door I swear I hear her yell the commands from Twister. " Left foot blue! Right hand red!" Merry Christmas. |
| A Totally True Story Christmas Expose' by Staff Writer Fran Gelika |
