no noise and disappeared into the sky
within seconds.
Pumpkin Mike, a colorful character and
lover of the vegetable was known for
his courageous fight to stop violence
against vegetables. Equally he was
known for his famous  best selling
books," If You Put it in a Pie, You Better
Ask First" and the recent top selling
Pumpkin Mike memoir," Stiff Drink
Equals Soft Brain", a chronicle of his
life as a yucca farmer in southern
Mexico, his days as a male dancer in
Corn, Oklahoma and the true story of
how he lost his shoes while working as
a "Carney" at the Nebraska State Fair.
His life was not only filled with success.
The scandals with women could fill a
small toaster, his love of Falstaff Beer,
rumors of toenail painting and nude
ping pong continue to follow the
charismatic playboy.
Popular vegetable advocate Pumpkin
Mike was allegedly kidnapped the
evening prior to Halloween. What is
further shocking is an impostor has
been passing himself as the authentic
Pumpkin Mike going as far as to make
vegetable safety speeches at the
"Save the Vegetable " benefits and
asking young local starlets for dates to
such events.
Pumpkin Mike was seen October 30th
speaking with two bicyclists know
locally as Spazwop Merkin and
Cheezlebub Gerkin. After an animated
discussion bystanders were shocked
as the two wrestled away a small
pumpkin from Pumpkin Mike and flung
it at a pedestrian identified as Gary
Duane Vaughan of Front Royal,
Virginia.
When contacted Vaughan showed this
reporter a large baseball size knot on
his forehead caused by the orange orb
missile. When asked for details about
the vegetarian assault Vaughan could
only speak briefly before nodding into
a disturbing stupor.
Gerkin and Merkin then pushed
Pumpkin Mike into a large cigar shaped
metallic space ship which made next to
Local Vegetable Advocate Kidnapped
by Bicycle Riding Aliens from the Moon
Impostor Allegedly Left in his Place
His disappearance has caused a stir in
the community among friends, foes
and the pretty ladies.
All ready five women have come
forward claiming to have the love child
of the intentionally celibate bon vivant.
turn your back to them.
turn your back to them.

The Town of Front Royal has declared
November 31 as " A Day for Pumpkin
Mike". Testimonials will be given at the
pot luck banquet by the Mayor, a
selection of town councilmen, rock star
Vince Neil's brother Neil Neil, a
celebrity band lead by Gary Duane
Vaughan and finally a brass pumpkin
will be placed atop the courthouse in
his honor.
Police have asked if you see the
Pumpkin Mike impostor to just say
hello and continue what you were
doing.
The suspected aliens, Merkin and
Gerkin during happier times
Read Pumpkin Mike stories from
his LSL years in the Stories section
Pumpkin Mike Information Web
Hotline






Is this man Pumpkin Mike or the impostor?
Return to
series