| no noise and disappeared into the sky within seconds. Pumpkin Mike, a colorful character and lover of the vegetable was known for his courageous fight to stop violence against vegetables. Equally he was known for his famous best selling books," If You Put it in a Pie, You Better Ask First" and the recent top selling Pumpkin Mike memoir," Stiff Drink Equals Soft Brain", a chronicle of his life as a yucca farmer in southern Mexico, his days as a male dancer in Corn, Oklahoma and the true story of how he lost his shoes while working as a "Carney" at the Nebraska State Fair. His life was not only filled with success. The scandals with women could fill a small toaster, his love of Falstaff Beer, rumors of toenail painting and nude ping pong continue to follow the charismatic playboy. |
| Popular vegetable advocate Pumpkin Mike was allegedly kidnapped the evening prior to Halloween. What is further shocking is an impostor has been passing himself as the authentic Pumpkin Mike going as far as to make vegetable safety speeches at the "Save the Vegetable " benefits and asking young local starlets for dates to such events. Pumpkin Mike was seen October 30th speaking with two bicyclists know locally as Spazwop Merkin and Cheezlebub Gerkin. After an animated discussion bystanders were shocked as the two wrestled away a small pumpkin from Pumpkin Mike and flung it at a pedestrian identified as Gary Duane Vaughan of Front Royal, Virginia. When contacted Vaughan showed this reporter a large baseball size knot on his forehead caused by the orange orb missile. When asked for details about the vegetarian assault Vaughan could only speak briefly before nodding into a disturbing stupor. Gerkin and Merkin then pushed Pumpkin Mike into a large cigar shaped metallic space ship which made next to |
| Local Vegetable Advocate Kidnapped by Bicycle Riding Aliens from the Moon Impostor Allegedly Left in his Place |
| His disappearance has caused a stir in the community among friends, foes and the pretty ladies. All ready five women have come forward claiming to have the love child of the intentionally celibate bon vivant. turn your back to them. turn your back to them. The Town of Front Royal has declared November 31 as " A Day for Pumpkin Mike". Testimonials will be given at the pot luck banquet by the Mayor, a selection of town councilmen, rock star Vince Neil's brother Neil Neil, a celebrity band lead by Gary Duane Vaughan and finally a brass pumpkin will be placed atop the courthouse in his honor. Police have asked if you see the Pumpkin Mike impostor to just say hello and continue what you were doing. |
| The suspected aliens, Merkin and Gerkin during happier times |
| Read Pumpkin Mike stories from his LSL years in the Stories section |
Is this man Pumpkin Mike or the impostor? |
